Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Light Hearted Observations of the Maltese. (not to be taken seriously).

As a foreigner living in a country like Malta, you start to notice the unique mannerisms and traits that are well, unique or certainly different from the UK population and the reason you recognise them is because they are so different (does that make sense). A fellow blogger, funnily enough Maltese, living and studying in London published a piece, that she said made her laugh out loud.
Her blog is called 'Rantings From Afar' The list is titled 'Being Maltese Means' now some of the observations I do not recognise but many I do, the parts I recognise are in bold type.
I have her permission to replicate that list here.

Being Maltese…..means….

* You move abroad with 2 kgs of frozen pastizzi or Hobz Malti and a Timpana recipe in your luggage

* You move out from your parents house…….to move in with your spouse…within walking distance of your parents’ house

* You have been officially engaged longer than you have been dating…………while waiting for your house to be built

* You have been separated longer than you have been married……..while sleeping under the same roof

* Your best friend lives 2 blocks away, but you only drive there

* The difference between the before and after pictures of your Mum’s wedding, is about 5 stone

* The only way to decorate your escorts, capris and trucks is to stick banners across the windscreen such as ‘rambo sex’ or ‘baby think twice’, bumper sticker tend to be ‘Eat my Dust’

* Zebra crossings are a matter of opinion

* Give Way translates to Get out of my Way

* Stop sign is in fact Give Way

* No Waiting, Unloading Only, NO parking, actually mean Parking at your convenience

* You don’t even turn off your mobile phone in church (even if you are a priest)

* You think the north is entirely culturally different from the south….with the total geographical area being 18miles long, Gozo is considered another country

* You think the only places to visit abroad are ‘Oxford Street’, Lourdes and the Vatican

* Big Ben is in Birkirkara and not in London

* you go to church every Sunday even though you’re atheist

* you get married in church so that your in-laws would not know you’re an atheist

* you care more about what the neighbours think, then about your own opinion

* you are an independent adult, but your mum still buys your underpants and does your washing.

* Catholic shrines and posters of Elvis and Rambo jostle for space on public transport

* The cry ‘Aw sex!’ is seen as a legitimate chat-up line (Variation in Gozo tends to be ‘Aw Gobon’…no pun intended)

* Before marriage, sex is a taboo and parents expect their kids to have never engaged in sex. However if you’re not pregnant by the end of your honeymoon, your grandmother (and parents) starts saying special prayers.

* You strike bargains with the Almighty in order to achieve your ends.

* You call your children Denzel, Shania, Aaliyah and Rihanna… even though you have no connections with the film industry… (these names were amongst the most popular names in 2007 making it to the top 20)

* Your idea of eating out is going to the Diner in the Airport Viewing Gallery or to Serkin in Rabat for pastizzi and tea.

* You go to Catechism classes to pick up girls

* You disagree profoundly with your chosen political party’s policies, but vote for them anyway, cos that’s what your father did, and your grandfather, and his father…… anyway you still invite your local MP for your wedding as it will impress your guests

* You don’t believe in bribes but in gratitude

* At home you have ‘Teachers’, ‘Vermouth’ and perhaps ‘Shandy’

* Your parents used to dip the pacifier in Whisky so that you sleep during parties

* Your parents’ favourite brand used to be GM as anything from toilet paper to towels used to have this logo (Not ‘General Motors’ but ‘Gvern ta’ Malta’)

* You go to other people’s weddings in order to criticise the wedding souvenirs and the food.

* You send your children to private lessons even though they are the top of their class

* You are not a racist but open minded except if your kid turns up to be gay or decides to marry an African or Arab person.

Go on Smile, you know you want to.

When you travel, remember that a foreign country is not designed to make you comfortable. It is designed to make its own people comfortable. Clifton Fadiman.


Annie said...

I understand that you might not recognise all the traits listed... give yourself a few years living here and you will recognise all of them... I assure you they are all true!

MaltaGirl said...

Lol, this is hilarious, and I've done a few of these myself...

I married across the North/South cultural divide, which was INTERESTING. One of the points could use amending: my grandmother used to go to visit her son in England with two suitcases full of frozen pastizzi - and several bottles of Kinnie!